ACCOMPLISHED

Few months ago, on a December, I sat down writing all my goals and what I wanted to achieve in the coming few months. Fast forward to today, I am glad to say I have accomplished what I set myself out to do.

Firstly, my university applications were bogging me down. I worried about what I should be drafting for my personal statement, whether it would be good enough, whether the universities which I would be applying to would even be mildly impressed. Then, I had LNAT to worry about because I wanted to be spoilt for choices for my tertiary education.

For those who are not in the know, which I presume would be most, I have confirmed my university placing with a less than satisfactory LNAT score. I admit, the institution which I would be attending DOES NOT require the LNAT score but I am more than satisfied with my choice of tertiary education. I AM INDEED LOOKING FORWARD TO MY UNIVERSITY EDUCATION.

Secondly, I worried for days and nights over my driving license. Somehow, I was never good enough for the instructors. Worst, I laid off driving for a year and could barely remember the traffic rules and regulations. The driving license which I so wanted seemed to be an insurmountable task. I was on the verge of just shelving my plans to get a license. OH BOY, am I glad I DID NOT DO THAT.

TODAY, yes TODAY, I PASSED MY DRIVING TEST and finally got my license. Its been a long time coming ever since I stopped driving for a year. Admist the long delay, I still finally got what I wanted. My wish of getting a license for years (okay, just 2) is finally fulfilled.

I'm more than exuberant. In fact, I am proud that I am able to independently handle all my personal affairs. Right now, I'm more relaxed than ever. I am actually considering setting new goals and targets to continue keeping myself busy. Afterall, I still have 13 months to go in the army and 13 MONTHS is a hell lot of time!

I am definitely going to pick up tennis, dancing?? or maybe just another language. You know, just to keep myself active and in the loop.

Cheers,
Eugene!

When you have nothing to do...

Sometimes, when I'm bored, I would allow my thoughts to run freely and loads of wild thoughts will crawl into my mind. I will start bothering myself with unnecessary problems and start to feel insecure about my capabilities and self. See, its free time that ruins the cognitive capabilities of a person. He would just sit there and ponder about mindless things.

Last night, I was far too free and allowed myself to work into a great state of panic. I am not exactly the smart guy who is so cocksure of his capabilities and knows how to worm my way out of any situation. It's weird why I would even feel like that because no man is perfect. It just so happened that recently, I'm glued to this American legal drama, Suits and the actors acted so well so much that I started comparing myself to them. I KNOW, its really retarded because THEY ARE ACTORS and everything that is shown is scripted, meaning to say, it is not to be confused with reality.

But, for a minute, just a minute, I wondered how things would be like if I were what these actors are, except, in reality. My thoughts ran wild and I started feeling despondent realising that I'm not anywhere near their standards. It was ridiculous but you know how it is for me when it's late into the night, all these impractical and mindless thoughts just start flooding me and I was thinking, "could I be any worst?" LOL. The funny thing was that none of these thoughts surfaced again today when I woke up.

Somehow, I realised that being TOO free is actually a bad thing. Instead of letting my thoughts run wild and think of irrational thoughts, my time is better spent reading and researching on how to cultivate my mind. Perhaps that would be a good mental booster.

Anyhow, I'll be kept busy for this month or so. I will be having my driving test next month and it's been ages since I started learning driving. It's time for me to GET MY LICENSE.

Till my next entry,
Cya all :)

Cheers
Eugene

Back from a family holiday!

For the past few months, I had been looking forward to my family trip to Kuala Lumpur and I honestly can't believe that I just came back from Kuala Lumpur (yesterday).

I had been to Kuala Lumpur twice and frankly, there is nothing in that city for me to shout about. I AM familiar with the sights and sounds and do not quite fancy the massive jams and dirty roads the city is notorious for. However, THIS TIME was different. I went there for a purpose- My Uncle's Wedding. I went there with my ENTIRE EXTENDED FAMILY. Yes, it was that big a group and honestly, I could not help but feel extremely excited for the trip. To be honest, the last time our family went on a trip like that was 11 years ago or prolly more.

For the past three nights, the few of us would gather in one hotel room, we would play cards and chat into the wee hours of the morning then realise it was rather late and hurriedly go back to our rooms to sleep. The next morning, our rooms would be filled with the incessant ringing of the phones and our impatient parents would invariably be crossed with us for meeting them late for breakfast. We went shopping in the day,  a pampering massage in the afternoon and even had a late night karaoke session. It was just FANTASTIC.

I always feel that the company for a holiday is the most important. I could be in the Maldives but if I am there on a trip with an inconsiderate friend, it would have made the trip extremely miserable. Likewise, spending four days in Kuala Lumpur with my extended family proved to be extremely interesting and fun.

I am seriously planning my next holiday and can't waitttttt

Cheers,
Eugene

5 JUNE 2012

I accompanied my friend to settle his pre-enlistment stuff yesterday (technically, its yesterday) and it certainly brought back many memories of mine. It seemed only yesterday when I first enlisted into the army and my mind was a whirl. I was so overwhelmed with my own emotions that I hardly gave thought to anything else. All that ran through my mind was how I dreaded to be in Pulau Tekong and the many terrible events which I assumed would ensue.

Backtrack to my pre-enlistment day, I was filled with apprehension and dread. I questioned myself time and again why did I have to go through this. I came out with 101 excuses on why I should turn up my nose at this whole experience I was about to undergo. Consequently, the next few days were lived in an empty void. I had no appetite after I enlisted, I woke up in the middle of the night dreaming about my family and counting down to the days where my confinement/ordeal would finally end and I dreaded the crammed toilets I had to  shower in. Try as I might, I COULD NOT FIND A SINGLE REASON to feel happy or satisfied. In fact, my bunkmates even went to the extent of asking me why do I look so traumatised. LOL

Fast forward to today, almost 9 months had passed since I first enlisted. I guessed what got me through was the mentality that I had. I kept thinking that whatever was happening was just a figment of my past. It did not matter what was happening at that point in time because it would all be a memory of the past and in time, I would be sitting in front of my computer, blogging and recounting the experience which is exactly what I am doing now.

I am now just extremely glad that whatever crap I had to go through is over. I am looking forward to the day when I will be discharged from the service and the day when I can continue with my life and do what I am truly passionate about. Alas, that day would not come anytime soon but I KNOW it will come and when it does, it would be bittersweet because after, 2 years of my life was spent in the army.

I have inculcated the value of patience in me and I eagerly await for the time when I can finally say ORD LOH. :) Cheers all and have a great time!

Eugene

WHAT I DO ON BOOKOUTS

I realised my posts have taken on a very sombre tone. Most entries are usually reflective and emotional these days and I hardly even blog about what interests me or what is going on anymore.

TODAY, I will talk about the single most important and cherished moment of any army boy's life- BOOKOUTS. As everyone is aware, I am now working on a shift system and I am blessed with a very short 2-3 days work schedule. This means that I can bookout after every 2 to 3 days unlike the majority of other NSFs.

Bookouts during my recruit days were very precious. Come every wednesday, I would have started making plans for the weekends (aka BOOKOUTS). I would by thursday, have arranged whom I would meet on all three bookout days (Friday, Saturday & Sunday). However now, with me booking in and out of camp so frequently, these elaborate planning which I used to ponder about ceased and I have come to terms that not every bookout has to be as eventful as the previous.

There are definitely days when my friends or family would not be free to hang out with me but that is fine because I do find pleasure and joy in being alone. On certain bookouts, instead of hitting posh restaurants or rushing off to meet someone, I find extreme joy in spending the time alone at home, lazing over my Hong Kong Dramas, soaking in the delicious thought of just being able to relax AS AND WHEN I CAN.

Of course, with the luxury of a swimming pool below my house, I inavriably try to find time to have a quick swim because it is just so relaxing. Having such a relaxed vocation now, I am able to openly declare that I am "stress-free". I do not have the stress of project works, I do not have to worry about submissions or the hard reality of life. I am, simply put in words, having the time of my life.

I never thought I would say this but right now, I am enjoying the way things are. I am very pleased with the idea that I am given the opportunity and time to reflect on many things. I am able to seek my passion and to discover what motivates me. Perhaps, there is no better time than now to reflect and enjoy the state of things.

Till then,

Cheers all
Eugene

HAPPY NOT-SO-CHINESE NEW YEAR!

Hello everyone! It's HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR... OR maybe not. Today is well the third day of CNY and I guess the festive mood has more or less dampened with work resuming and school starting tomorrow. Nevertheless, the after holiday blues are still not getting to me yet because CNY, for me, has only started yesterday.

As I was working on a shift basis, I was unable to enjoy the long holidays like many others. Instead, whilst everyone was out enjoying the new year, wearing their new clothes and downing goodies, I was in camp in my smart 4 standing at the guard post. What a way to begin the new year eh? Nothing shouts louder than happy new year with me in my sentry post.

However, even though I was unable to spend the eve and first day of the new year with my family, it was even more memorable and special for me. I made use of every single minute when I was out and spent quality time with my family. Previous chinese new years were more of a festival that we celebrated. However, this chinese new year was NOT just a festival. IT was a celebration of sorts AND the highlight of the year. Because time was so much more limited, the activities we did as a family were so precious. A simple supper at the coffee club became a privileged bonding session with my family. I learnt to cherish and appreciate the littlest things.

As I begin the new year, I want to wish everyone out there good health and a prosperous year ahead!

Cheers,
Eugene!

A new beginning

It is the start of a new year. Whatever I had experienced previously were all strands of memories from the past and perhaps, I may or may not remember them in the future. However, come what may, these memories hold a very significant place in my heart. They may not be fond but nevertheless, these memories were of deep significance which helped to mould and shape my character.

As I progress onto a new year, I realised that I should start to cherish the present. For the last half of 2012, I lived everyday dreaming of the next. I constantly told myself that I was living in a time space which was a transient period for me. Time would fly by and before I know it, I would be out of the army. However, whilst I was wishing for time to fly by, I lost out on many things. I failed to appreciate the little wonders of things around me. I failed to live up to expectations and most importantly, I failed myself. I was aware that I performed extremely badly during my BMT but it did not bother me. To me, it was a pain and chore  having to report back to camp and all that mattered was me getting out of it.

No matter how much I hated what I was doing during my BMT, no matter how unhappy I was, I should not have failed myself in such a manner by wishing time would fly by. I lost my will and power to perform which ultimately affected my ego and morale.On hindsight, I should have paid a little more attention I should have given a little more effort and a little more interest. If I had done that, perhaps, I would respect and value myself more.

Having understood the importance of living my life to the fullest, I shall make myself a promise to fully cherish the present. I may not like what is happening at the present but I should NEVER fail myself. Each day is a blessing and each day lived is a day I should be grateful and appreciative of. I hope that in future, when faced with adversity, I would be able to rise up and face the challenges with determination and willpower. I want to  be proud of myself. I want to ensure that I do not live in regrets because only then, will I be able to say, I've lived my life.

Cheers,
Eugene

How different but yet similar things are

Today, I went down to TP to collect my referral letter from my lecturer and the trip down brought back many  fond memories. I was reminded of how I used to curse and swear when I walked to the bus stop nearest to my house. I was reminded of how I used to perspire and arrive in lectures soaked in perspiration. Everything was so familiar but yet foreign at the same time. The faces were all different. Not even 1 familiar face was in sight but yet the corridors were exactly how it were before I left. It's been 6/7 months since I last stepped into TP and it felt like ages ago. The fond memories that I had back there rushed back like a floodgate and I was overwhelmed with past memories.

Looking back, I have matured and grown a lot. Those few months in the army have really toughened me up. I am no longer the poly boy who just struts into school without a care in the world. I am different now, least to say. Not only outwardly, but inwardly, I am able to better control my emotions, thoughts and feelings. Sure I had my fair share of unpleasant memories in TP. Some people there were just out to make things horrible and nasty for me but having gone through what I did over the past few months, it seemed to me I have underwent a profound change. No longer am I gossipy, no longer am I afraid of what others think, no longer am I dependent on friends. I feel like I'm finally liberated from the past. What's left are all fond memories. Yes even with people whom I ended my friendship with ona sour note, I am but filled with all the pleasant memories I shared with them.

I have no idea why I was so petty and narrow minded in the past. I made plenty of mistakes. I've hurt people whom I never wanted to hurt and I've done rather mean things but all that doesn't matter anymore :) Things only matter when you make a great deal and fuss over it but it is all merely but a storm in a teacup. I've learnt to be magnanimous and forgiving. I've learnt humility and respect in the army and to those people (you guys definitely know who you are, if you ever happen to read this entry...) I just want to sincerely apologise. I feel that I have wronged some and if given the chance, I really hope that one day, I would be a better friend to them.

If I knew the outcome now, I would have done things differently. I've made many mistakes but I take great comfort in the fact that I know I was wrong. Even if I did everything wrong, at least admitting my mistakes is the right thing to do. When I walked out of TP, I looked back, smiled and walked out proudly after reminiscing the past. The best years of my life, being immature, being playful, being ME were  over. I had finally closed a big chapter of my past and am walking into a new one.

Learning from mistakes make a person stronger and better. Ever since I started reading spiritual books and cultivating my mind, I've learnt to be at peace with myself. I'm really thankful for the memorable days in TP. I honestly hope that my army days would be just as memorable and eventually a reflective and relaxing period for me :)

CHEERS

& MERRY XMAS

(P.S. I'm late in wishing everyone Merry Xmas because I was cooped up in camp on Christmas Day!)

Cheers,
Eugene

Bittersweet

The past four days were extremely delicious yet painful for me. As I wake up everyday savouring the delicious thought that I can spend my day the way I want it to be, a dark thought would inadvertently creep into my mind reminding me that it is all but temporal. Come next Monday, I would be thrown into an entirely new environment expected to adapt and pick things up as fast as possible.

Of course, the purpose of this entry today, is NOT to whine. Instead, I would be blogging about the really fantastic days off I had. I managed to spend quality time with my family. I went shopping with my sister, joined my uncle in his bridal entourage and had a great time with my cousins, met up with my bunkmates and my closest poly friends. Indeed, it was such a bittersweet moment knowing that such lovely times will not last long. Of course, I am determined to make the most out of my new posting and I certainly hope I do.

2012 is coming to an end in less than a month's time and I must say, this year was really filled with painful but yet memorable memories. My enlistment day, my field camp and practically the life in army camp WERE PAINFUL AND AGONISING MEMORIES. Each book in was a chore. Come Sunday, my heart would invariably sink to the deepest depths and I would reluctantly dress in my smart four and drag my feet to Pasir Ris Bus Interchange to book in. Yet, 2012 was filled with the most pleasant and memorable memories too. I would never forget how I managed to be at peace with myself. I managed to prioritise my priorities, break away from my dependence, started looking after myself and became a whole lot stronger both physically and mentally.

Not only that. Who could forget the 24KM Route March and that moment on Marina Bay Floating Platform when I threw my jockey cap HIGH UP into the air. I CAN NEVER FORGET THAT MOMENT. It is etched in my mind. Also, those four days in Tokyo after my passing out parade were almost paradise. Indeed, much has happened and much has changed. I really do hope that the coming 18 months would pass by in a flash. :)

Anyways, I will blog again when I feel like and have the time to :) Till then, cheers and I will see you all soon.

Eugene

Some of life's sweetest moments

Some of life's sweetest moments are best savoured by capturing a piece of it in memory by either taking a photograph or by penning down one's thoughts at that moment. Yesterday was a really sweet moment for me when I passed out of my Security Trooper course. Even though it was a simple 6 weeks of training, it left me with MANY fond and memorable memories.

For the first time in army, I enjoyed booking in. I enjoyed my time in camp because life was so relaxing and enjoyable. The food was fantastic and MOST IMPORTANTLY, my bunkmates were more than awesome. We had so much fun and perhaps havoc in our bunk and I really enjoyed myself for the past 6 weeks.

There were the usual ups and downs but the UPS totally overshadow the downs. As I move on to my new unit, I hope that I would be able to continue to forge such beautiful and fond memories. While I might not like the army, the friends and people I have met have all left a footprint in my life and I would definitely remember them in time to come. Right now, as I become a full fledged Security Trooper, I have but one mission- that is to develop and cultivate my mind.

I believe that with the FREE TIME that I am going to have for the next 15 months, I will be able to nourish and cultivate my mind with positive and enriching knowledge which would come in extremely handy for me in the coming years.

With this, I end my post and perhaps savour the feeling of being a civilian. At least, until monday when I report to my new camp.

Cheers,
Eugene

Passing Out Parade + Time-out

At 5am on 6th October 2012, my watch alarm started beeping loudly and I awoke with a start feeling surprisingly refreshed. I made my way to the makeshift toilet right in front of me before preparing myself for the day ahead.

Yes, for those who have been keeping up with me, it was my PASSING OUT PARADE DAY. Ever since I enlisted, all I have been looking forward to was POP and the day finally came. Having just completed a 24km route march with my full battle order, I was on the verge of collapse. However, knowing that my family would be watching me from the grandstand of my parade gave me an immense boost and I knew that I would be able to successfully complete my graduation parade.

All 4 months of sweat and toil was geared towards THIS day. The pain during book-ins, the pain of having remedial training, the tiredness and almost EVERYTHING that I could possibly hate just came to my mind and I thought, HEY, I have actually come so far since my enlistment. I have indeed matured and grown a lot. I have come to appreciate many little things which I did not even bother about.

Finally, I am enjoying my 7 days break now. Will be heading off to Tokyo in a few hours time.

Till then, BYE

Cheers,
Eugene!

Countless Attempts

I had been wanting to blog about how I am coping in the army since 2 to 3 weeks back but my draft was somehow never published and week after week, I would book in with my feelings and thoughts unexpressed. Perhaps, the only way I can express myself is through words and through this blog. Never mind who reads or who does not read my blog. Never mind if what I blog about is of no interest to you. I merely want to express myself and my feelings.

I cannot say that I am enjoying myself or that I am in the best of moods. In fact, I feel neither. I am VERY VERY cut off and detached from my civilian life. What I used to have, what I did before I enlisted, seemed to have happened years ago. Suddenly, I am immersed into a very physically demanding, disciplined and regimental environment. Day after day, it is marching, exercising, discipline and early mornings and nights. When I do get to book out after one entire week, I suddenly seem to have EVERYONE to meet, there seems to be SO MANY FRIENDS, so many family members, so many people whom I DESIRE to meet. Yes, I am very deprived now. Deprived of the comforts of my home, deprived of the company of my friends, deprived of my freedom and SIMPLY PUT, deprived of what I used to have. 

Of course, such thinking is never going to get me anywhere. Especially when I have a LONG LONG way ahead of me. Come to think of it, almost 2 months are going to pass. I will soon be entering week 8 of my physical training phase. This means I would be doing basic military training soon. To be honest, there was never an easy day for me. I was pushed to my limits, pushed to the point where I just went through the motion. For example- running. I just knew my legs were moving. I was devoid of any feelings. I just moved my legs and made sure I completed that run. It was a real test of my mental endurance. Physically, I am weak. But mentally, I wanted to prove I am not. I wanted to prove that I am tough inwardly. 

I am not trying to prove to anyone or show off to people that at the end of the day, I managed to last through anything. It is more of proving to myself, that I have what it takes. I am not the coward who gives up halfway, I am not someone who is so weak that when faced with adversity, I'll back off. I wanted to be who I thought I was- Someone who could persevere and make it through what I started with.

I used to think very bitterly of NS. The very thought of it makes my heart ache when I have to book in and drop everything outside. I could not see things from an optimistic point of view because either way I look at it, things were very BLEAK. I HATED the fact that I was separated from my family. I HATED the fact that army had to take me away from my comfort zone. I couldn't be more down and depressed. I thought that I was in a tunnel that would never show the light. However, one day came when I was enlightened. It was during a rather tough physical training when I suddenly thought of my family. I mean YES, I hate the army so much because it separates us BUT whatever I am doing right now, I AM DOING IT FOR THEM. I am hardly able to express how much I love my family but serving in the army, surely, is a way to tell my family and all that I care about how much I love them. The very thought of going through such a life is unthinkable for me BUT I AM GOING THROUGH IT RIGHT NOW. Yes, I am working hard to ensure their safety. I am working hard to ensure that WE CAN BE A HAPPY FAMILY. I am working hard to ensure that all of us have another blissful and blessed day ahead. No matter how small my contributions to the security of my family, I AM PLAYING MY PART. I am doing something for them. Never mind the tough times. At the end, what counts is my love for my family and those I care about. Who am I protecting? IT is them. Not anyone else BUT THEM. I finally broke out of my web of depression and I was finally optimistic. I believe I will be able to last through the tough times because love knows no boundaries.

I always tell myself that TOUGH TIMES DON'T LAST. TOUGH PEOPLE DO. I am not weak and I am not a coward who backs down in the face of adversity. I can adapt and I can change. I am protecting my family and friends. I know AND I WILL be able to last through this :) 

Cheers,

Eugene 

My feelings

I do not know where I should start. So much has happened, so much to say and far too many things going through my head right now.

I'll keep it simple by sharing with you how I'm feeling right now. So, I've already graduated from the Polytechnic, supposedly completing another phase of my education. I'm extremely proud of myself for completing my Polytechnic education. I mean I was never a problem student in the Polytechnic, I never struggled with my grades or studies (except for those late nights) but nonetheless, I deem it as an achievement on my part to have gone through 3 very enriching and rewarding years. I couldn't say I put in my best effort but I have tried to produce results, burnt many midnights and had my fair share of stress over the 3 years. I did put in effort, though not my best, but definitely something worth being proud of.

So, after graduation, I had my plans all mapped out. I mean I would call it the best laid plans. Because it is extremely detailed and realistic. I could even say it out right now. The numbers will be the events that would happen chronologically.

1) Graduation
2) Work in my internship firm before NS
3) NS
4) Intern at other law firms before the start of my University education
5) Head to the UK to study for a Law Degree
6) ....

So apparently, things actually went the way I wanted it to. I returned to my internship firm and albeit working a shorter time than expected, I actually completed 2 very short months back at my internship firm and I had a really great time working there. At first, it was really tough for me getting used to working again. I totally missed the morning MacDonald breakfast I used to have in TP with my friends, I missed hanging out in iLaw Chambers as a big group, I missed doing projects with my friends where we all sat together and concentrate for extended periods of time and MOST IMPORTANTLY, I missed the irregular hours that I am so used to. For example, wednesdays were afternoon classes and I could conveniently wake up at 11 or even 12 sometimes if I had a late night. Not only that, after classes, we would head to Tampines Mall to watch a movie, hang out at starbucks, MacDonald's or what not and having a fixed 9-6 job was... simply put... EXCRUCIATINGLY TORTUROUS. (Okay I exaggerate...) But yeap, I even thought of quitting but then, I had a picture of my family in my wallet and that picture reminded me each time when I leave the MRT station in the morning of what and why I am working. I could not be dependent on my parents for life. At some point, I had to be independent, I have to persevere and whatever I am feeling was just a phase which I had to adapt to.

Indeed, the picture reminded me of what I was worth and what I wanted in life. It kept me going and 2 months just zoomed by. My days became so much easier and I became cheerful. I actually even enjoyed working. So why am I saying all this? Who cares about what motivates me right? Well, it's actually just a way for me to express myself because I am very apprehensive about serving in the military. I admit, I am a VERY PAMPERED PERSON. Leaving the comforts of my home and what I call life is a very drastic change for me. I am never educated about military discipline, much less been through any form of hardship. Having to serve in the military is absolutely new and can I say "with deep reluctance," for me. However, I decided that adopting such a closed mind is not GOING to make my days easier.

I could carry on on how life is so great right now but honestly, how will that help? If anything, I would be more miserable thinking about what I am leaving behind. Instead, I should constantly motivate myself like how I did for work, if either way, I have to go through that arduous 2 years, should I not be more optimistic? I therefore made a promise to my family, that I would make them as proud of me as far as I can go. If my health permits, I would be determined to achieve something for myself and for them. To make them proud of me. However, I know talk is cheap, words are worthless if they are not carried out but I know that having the intention of accomplishing something is already, being halfway there.

I can only hope for the best for the army. Hope that I would be able to successfully complete the 2 years, have insightful stories to share and... it pains me to say this... But perhaps, leave me with FOND MEMORIES.

Cheers
Eugene

Away and Back!

Well I was away from the 16th of April till yesterday the 22nd of April. For those who do not know, I went  to Hong Kong with my closest polytechnic friends to celebrate our graduation and at the same time, reward ourselves for our hard work and escape from Singapore.

It was a fantastic trip. I thoroughly enjoyed myself and had a lot of fun. I mean, I've always been travelling and its invariably with my family. No don't get me wrong, I enjoy travelling with my family but travelling with your friends, now, that's something else. It shows that firstly, you are truly independent, secondly, you can handle being abroad BY YOURSELF and lastly, you get to have all the fun with your friends for a cool 7 days.

It was an experience which I can't use words to describe. Because the company was good, the location was good and basically, everything was good. The morning dim sum breakfast we had was exceptionally delicious and for good value to. The dinners were satisfying and sumptuous and the nightly activities were in no way discounted. We sang till the wee hours of morning at Neway, which was Hong Kong's equivalent of Karaoke Box, except a lot better with a buffet, private toilet and playstation 3.

It was all so amazing. More so, when I met up with Athena and we went to Disneyland to enjoy ourselves. It was splendid because I relieved the awesome Hong Kong memories 5 years ago at Disneyland where I watched the fireworks and loved it so much. It was perfect meeting a long-time friend of yours staying in a foreign country and at the same time relieving special and beautiful memories of the past.

I even plucked my courage to sit rides at ocean park and Disneyland. I finally DARED to ride scary rides. And it all felt so amazing to me! I was no longer filled with apprehension while waiting for the rides to start. Instead it was just adrenaline racing through me, JUST WANTING TO SIT THE RIDES and test and PUSH all my limits. It was a feeling that I could not describe. I am now, VERY VERY tempted to ride the battlestar cyclone in Universal Studios Singapore! :)

Much as I enjoyed myself in Hong Kong, it's time for me to face reality. Because tomorrow, I'm going back to work (Thank god for my rest day today). Tomorrow I will have to face my desk and continue with what I left before I left for Hong Kong. The holidays are over, and its all work and getting my driving license. Besides, it will be national service for me soon and I will have to enlist pretty soon. As much as I DISLIKE NS, I know it is a must for me to complete before I can move on to the next phase of life. Oh well, I had my break, my getaway and now, it's time for me to challenge myself and look forward to the next vacation where I can reward myself for a cause like this trip.

This trip though expensive, was a perfect holiday. It pretty much allowed me to really relax and have fun. Though I hate to say this,  have to constantly remind myself that holidays only happen once or twice a year. I guess it will be sometime before I get to have such an amazing holiday like this!

If time allows, I will blog about Hong Kong and add it to my travelogue. If not, this will be my ONE and ONLY Hong Kong post! :) HAHA

Cheers all
Eugene

At the crossroad

The past few days were anything but lazy, idle days. I was sitting in my internship firm, working. It was there and then that this thought actually crossed my mind, "Do I really wish to pursue law? And if I do, what are my reasons for doing so?" I mean I never thought of doing anything else all this while. I'm so fixed on what I should be doing, so much so that I did not even consider any other option other than studying law in the UK. 

I always thought that doing law was the most natural thing for me. Having completed my diploma with reasonable grades, I was all the more determined that I should go on to get a degree but in the past week, my determination actually wavered. Doubts crept into my mind and I had this very sudden and horrid thought, "Perhaps.. Perhaps law isn't for me?" But then, I quickly got over this thought because I realised that I could not decide in the first few days of working and condemn myself. I mean my internship turned out fine, didn't it? However, I had this really negative thought that internship was just the tip of the iceberg. 

Nevertheless, I managed to convince myself, that if I could even just enjoy myself while experiencing the "tip of the iceberg," what more when I fully enter the profession? I mean I can tell that it is definitely challenging and things will not always be so sunny and rosy. Very soon, I'll be a working adult and I have to perform or risk being fired. 

I'm surprised and shocked at how time flies. I mean, I still believe I'm a teenager, I haven't actually got used to the idea that I am close to adulthood. It is rather depressing when I think of my future, having to slog my guts out but perhaps, I was just scared and filled with apprehension. It is a really good thing that I started working now because I would be able to adapt better when I work in the future. I just hope that I would be able to learn and mature as time passes and eventually, succeed in the future. 

I really hope that I can find one motivating factor which would really propel me forward in my studies. I know that I cannot just settle for mediocre when I study in the University. I know that I have to excel and perform and I will certainly do everything that I can. But for now, I'm still waiting to be enlisted in the army... What I can do now, is to prepare myself for the working world. I believe I would be able to succeed because I am determined to! :) 

Cheers,
Eugene 

Time I spoke up....

My life recently had been anything BUT uneventful. Loads happened. SHIT piled on me one after another and I really needed time to sort out my thinking and really decide on what is right and correct for me.

I had never been in such a situation before where I was stripped off all my dignity, sense and pride. I never thought that I would ever be caught in such a situation but I was nonetheless and it really pained me these past few weeks/months because it was a wake up call for me. Perhaps I've been living in my ivory tower for far too long and I was too easy going to the point where people could climb all over my head, pull out my hair and kick me around like a soccer ball and I could still laugh. THAT WAS THE PAST I HOPE. I really hoped what happened recently made me tougher, if not more mature and able to better handle difficult interpersonal relationships.

I have finally come to realise that there are two types of people. PEOPLE WHO GENUINELY CARE FOR YOU AND PEOPLE WHO DON'T. It is very simple actually. On theory, it is pretty obvious. Its like differentiating black and white but when we come across a grey area, we can't really differentiate. I decided that people who genuinely CARE for you actually do consider your feelings. NO, I'm not saying that when a person does something against your preferences, HE/SHE does not care for you. What I really mean is that there is a bottom line for things. People who genuinely care for you have a bottom line in which they would never cross if you actually mean something to them. But if you mean nothing at all, they will step all over you like you're trash.

I personally had been treated like trash when I actually expected people to treat me better. I was greatly disappointed because I had very high expectations but alas, let's not go there because I don't even need to talk about expectations, that very person did not even meet the bare requirement as a friend.

You see, I decided to try and make this post as generic as I hope it would be but I see no point in trying to beat around the bush WHEN I CAN EXPRESS AND MAKE MYSELF VERY CLEAR.

1) Much as I am naive and gullible, I HATE HATE HATE it when people lie to me and then cover it up with lies. It simply proves that to the liar that I am just another one of those stupid and senseless people he can lie to. WELL THANK YOU VERY MUCH because I cannot and AM UNABLE to tolerate liars. Lying to me and covering it up for such a long period of time is purely disgusting and to be brutally honest, I find it despicable and a representation of someone with VERY POOR CHARACTER. I am sorry if I am so rude but honestly, shit happened and it was intolerable for me. It took me so long to speak out, so long to voice out my thoughts and it is not because I'm scared or afraid of offending anyone, it's because I needed time to reflect on myself and the people around me. I had to find out why I could be made use of to such an extent. I mean fleecing me of my money, my work is one thing but at least, have the very decency to behave honestly in front and behind of me.

What really irked me was that I simply could not believe someone could treat me like that. And you know what is so funny? That liar does not know till today why I decided to sever our friendship ties. Really, some people never learn and till they die, they will remain as pig headed and stupid as they are. A leopard never changes its spots and honestly, there is no point trying to pepper your words with flowery language because I can pack my words better than you can. So honestly, FUCK OFF?

2) As mentioned, I am far too gullible and naive. I believe that people do not try to cheat/trick me because I generally do not do that to others and when people actually try and do that to me, It pisses me off big time and that was exactly what happened. I simply cannot understand the rationale behind people WHO SEND STRONG CLEAR MESSAGES OF WANTING TO IGNORE A PERSON AND THEN TRY AND TALK TO THAT PERSON AGAIN. Honestly, you wanted to ignore me first, you started this shit and now, you want to act like a martyr? Acting all hurt and heartbroken? I'm really sorry okay, that doesn't work. I am not your toy where you can just dump me into the rubbish bin and pick me up again when you feel like it. I am a human with feelings too.

I realise that people can be very narrow minded. They only see how right they are. They can even come up with logical theories behind their actions but come on, who are we kidding? Honestly, ask yourself, if someone did that to you, how would you feel? Then now try using your grand theory to explain your most undesirable action. Maybe you are thick skinned, maybe you have a thousand theories and perhaps excuses. For example you hit a guy and your explanation is, "That guy was trying to hit me first," "That guy showed his intention to hit me and I did it in self-defence." Okay seriously? Whatever happened are facts and the fact was that you hit a guy. All your explanations are just excuses to justify the fact. Yes, you may have a very reasonable explanation BUT hey, before you do that, ADMIT THAT YOU BLOODY HIT SOMEONE? Admit that you were rash and emotional? Is it so hard to say YES I WAS RASH AND IMPULSIVE? I doubt it. To show you are truly apologetic, you do not say I HIT YOU BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO HIT ME. NO!!!!! You say, "I really regret doing what I did and I know that it was rash and impulsive of me BUT at that time, I did what I did because...."

People claim that they are truly sorry for what they did but looking at the way they behave, are they really? Take my example above, if the assailant apologised to the victim saying, "I'm sorry that I used a BOTTLE TO HIT YOU." Then that apology is practically CRAP. The assailant is not EVEN APOLOGETIC FOR WHAT HE DID. He just apologised for the sake of apologising and HE DOES NOT EVEN KNOW WHY HE IS APOLOGISING. How then can you expect someone to even accept your apology? If you are sincere, prove it with your actions and your behaviour, show some goodwill, for example- if I were the assailant, I'll offer to bandage the victim's wounds, I'll get an antiseptic cream for him or something to that effect. Only then can one's apology be considered sincere.

People are questioning why I simply cannot put the past behind or forget about what happened and start on a clean slate. Can I really? When a person apologises for something that is not even necessary, can I really say let's start anew? NO. When a person says he is sorry but continues doing what he did, then he really isn't sorry.

I am sick and fed up with insincere people, apologies and more so, liars and backstabbers. They have shown me the hard truth and reality of life and it really sucks to learn so late but hey, better late than never. And to those people who can relate with my blog entry, perhaps it is about some time you do some soul searching. I did mine but what about you? Still insisting on your crappy version? Please then save your trash for the rubbish bin, not me. LOL.

I JUST VENTED OUT ALL MY FRUSTRATIONS! HAHA. Feeling way better now. :)

Cheers,
Eugene

ANOTHER YEAR...

I usually don't have the mood to blog or whenever I actually do get the mood, i dawdle and end up losing my mood to blog. However, today is special and different. My desire to blog is frankly quite astounding and astonishing to me. I never thought that I would be so focused and committed to blogging.

Anyone will know why I feel like blogging today... IT'S NEW YEAR'S EVE! It's not everyday that one gets to reflect on the year, think about the good and bad, make his resolutions public and look to see if he completed the resolutions he set for himself in the year.

2011 was... REALLY EVENTFUL. I learnt so much, matured so much and practically changed so much. You know, I never expected many things to happen but it did and each and every incident leaves a very deep mark on me.

First of all, I shifted from this:

 to this:

No my new house does not actually look like that now after renovation but yeah, you get the idea. It was something extremely eventful for me, moving out of a place where I had stayed for 14 years! I do get nostalgic at times but I hardly feel like that anymore because I've accepted my new home and I pretty much like our cosy little house! It may not be the best but still, I have to say, I'm extremely proud of our little home :)

Last new year's eve, I was worried, where I would move to because my parents were thinking of selling the house but this year, all is calm and settled. I do not foresee any changes hopefully and let's hope the new year will bring us more joy and pleasant surprises!

Next, I distinctly remembered saying I wanted to travel to a faraway country. Somewhere where life is extremely different for me and yeah bitches, I did just that.

I travelled halfway across the world to EUROPE and visited the UK....

 And went to London.....

 And flew home in the A380.

Say... O-H-M-Y-G-O-D. I never expected that I would have the chance to visit London albeit it being with my school. I never regretted going on the study trip AT ALL. I made new friends, became closer WITH my friends and all the same, having so much fun on A DIFFERENT CONTINENT. I believe I never blogged about my UK trip properly, in fact, my travelogues are failures but all I can tell you is that LONDON-It was nothing like any other city I've been to. That's as much as I can say.

Not only did these two REALLY eventful events happened.... I ALSO FULLY EXPERIENCED WORKING LIFE as an intern. I regret that I did not take many pictures but

Here's a little something to tell my readers, this happened to be a part of my internship and I am immensely proud of it. I managed to complete it successfully and actually grew with the experiences and lessons that I have been taught. If you ask me, I WOULD ACTUALLY NEVER FORGET what happened because this is my first proper working experience and it includes wearing long sleeves, donning a blazer and black tie and SITTING before a judge. WOW. 

OH and before I forgot... 

I ACTUALLY WENT DRINKING & CLUBBING in the year. Though not something to be really proud of, I still feel that it was a passing phase and I'm glad I experienced it, drank all I wanted, felt high, drunk and had all the fun I wanted. 

Other than that, 2011 had its fair share of downs. I had my sad moments, I cried because someone dear to me was struck with a chronic disease, I went overboard with certain things but well, let's not go there. I mean, life is always full of ups and downs but what matters the most is that we appreciate life fully and try not to get bogged by it.

Now as I blog this, I want to direct you to this post here. I blogged about 2010 in words and I just wanted to let people know how I've matured and changed by the year. It has always been a tradition of mine to link entries to entries reminiscising  how things could have gone better, how different I was and technically to see if what I set out to do years ago were actually fulfilled. 

FOR THE UPCOMING 2012... MY WISHES ARE VERY SIMPLE

1) I HOPE * condition will stabilise. 

2) I HOPE for my family and myself to remain healthy and continue to be happy and be contented with all that we have.

FOR MYSELF

1) I HOPE that I successfully graduate from the Polytechnic with good grades. I hope to hit a GPA of 3.3 before I leave TP

2) I HOPE that I would be able to be more strong and resolute in my standing. I should push and fight for my views if I think it's correct.

3) I HOPE that life in army would be great for me (P.S: Army soon for me :/)

4) LASTLY, I hope that on 31 December 2012, exactly a year from now, not a day more, not a day less, I will be able to sit in my room or okay, maybe not my room but SOMEWHERE and sit down and blog about 2012- how awesome and how I've matured in the year.

2012 is just hours away. Hours away from stepping into a new year, a year of new beginnings, a year of happiness and hopefully, a year of joy. I ask for nothing more than a blessed and HAPPY NEW YEAR for everyone else.

In short, 2011 WAS/ is/ HAD BEEN MOST AMAZING and truly wonderful. I now wish all READERS, PEOPLE, FRIENDS, FAMILY and EVERYONE out there... A BLESSED AND HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OF YOU. 

May this new year bring you joy, happiness, love, care and warmth. May you seek greater boundaries and targets and ACHIEVE everything that you set yourself out to. Because frankly, the sky is the limit. So go ahead, do not be afraid to dream. Only be afraid that you did not achieve anything and regret it later on!

With that, I end this post and direct you all to this song. This is a song from the recent movie of New's Year eve. Enjoy it and see you all soon!

Cheers,

Eugene 

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!

Okay, so Christmas is finally here AGAIN! :) How time flies. I'm pretty sure I just celebrated Christmas yesterday, or at least, it felt like it. I still remember vividly how last Christmas was spent and now, I'm talking about this year's Christmas.

I always had this vision of Christmas, me snugged up in a comfortable armchair, reading a book and silent night playing in the background and all the while, snow falling heavily outside. This had always been the perfect Christmas that I imagined for myself. Okay, throw in a hot chocolate and me sipping it while reading the book. This sounds all too perfect doesn't it? I have no idea why I thought that this vision would be the best scenario for Christmas.

This year, my idea of a perfect Christmas isn't about sipping hot chocolate admist the heavy snowfall, rather, this year, all I want for Christmas is to perhaps, really understand Christmas and enjoy the simplicity of things. I do not ask for much this time round, perhaps, listening to carols, understanding the religion and basking in the festive season.

I come to realise that Christmas is not all about seeing the snowfall in New York City or listening to carols in London, no. IT's about being devoted and faithful as a Christian. It's about spreading love and joy and I though not being a Christian yet, hope to be one someday.

I guess I found the true meaning of Christmas this year and I hope that I will continue to appreciate Christmas and not always feel that there is no Christmass-y mood in Singapore.

Anyway, I'm fed up with the driving school and all the money I have to pay when I cancel a lesson, the pains of booking a lesson, renewing my membership with the school and technically, the trouble of learning driving. It's really a pain in the arse and I SERIOUSLY CANT WAIT TO FINISH AND GET THE MUTHAFKING LICENSE.

Anyway, I shouldn't be cursing on Christmas. OOPS. So, I'ma shower now! Cya all!

Cheers,
Eugene

Internship's Over!

As I blog today, I am proud to announce that I have completed my Student Internship Programme. It was an enriching and rewarding 3 months that I have spent! I totally enjoyed it, had my fair share of ups and downs and technically, I had a lot of fun working.

I never thought how I could complete 3 months just like that. Initially, I was counting the days thinking I would never get through it. The first day, was painfully nerve-wrecking for me. I can still remember vividly, when I had a stomachache on my first day and was lost in Shenton Way, worrying that I would be late and then arriving perspiring from top to bottom at the office. Not off to a very good start are we. But I stuck through it, I had relaxing fridays to look forward to, I soon started counting by the weeks and telling myself to learn as much as I can, as an intern, no one really bothers how much I know and I started to relax, and appreciate school.

I didn't know how time passed so quickly, it seemed only yesterday where it was just the day before my internship launch and I was wishing it would all end already and now, I'm here writing about how I enjoyed my internship! From my first paycheck to my last day, everything happened so quickly, that I am amazed at how time flies!

After internship, what's next right? Well, it's time for me to complete this polytechnic education! To steer myself to the final lap and finish up my studies. Get the best results I can and off I go to NS. :/ Anyway! Just a short update! Cya all pretty soon!

Cheers,
Eugene

Overboard

I am blogging today because I am on Medical Leave and it sucks to be here at home when I know everyone else is in office, working hard. I find that I really do regret the lifestyle that I had led ever since I became an intern. Okay, maybe being sick and all is normal but I guess I really overdid things over the past few weeks.

I went drinking almost every friday for the past 5 weeks. Yes, from a person who doesn't even touch alcohol to one that clubs, get high and even drunk all in 5 weeks seems a bit too much right? Indeed, it's rather overboard and yesterday, I was doing the sums and I realised.... I spent SO MUCH in just 5 weeks? How much did I spend on alcohol alone? 100, 200? Idk. Bt that amount is definitely of consideration and I do regret how I have been doing things. I had all the fun, all the drinking I wanted and this has got to stop. I don't mind drinking, of course, but that has to be done in moderation. twice a month? Or maybe even once a month? or once every two months? That seems perfectly fine... But to go at it every week... That is EXTREMELY wrong and I am definitely going to stop that. I believe I have to stop that... For the good of my health and for the good of my wallet! I actually went from 200++ surplus in my account to nearly BROKE this month. HOW RIDICULOUS IS THAT? I find it a very disgusting way of spending money and I SHALL NOT overspend again.

On another note, I really did have fun over the past 5 weeks, but it's time to snap out of it. It's doing me more harm than good! It's for the better ^^

Cheers,
Eugene